When I was young I did not feel at all poor, even though we had to share the limited blessings that we had from my father’s meagre salary from being the sole breadwinner. I remember savouring the meat of the tiny ‘ikan kuning’ that was shared among the younger siblings in the household. I remember waiting with great anticipation for the Lunar New Year to come around because then my eldest sister would have sewn 2 or 3 new sets of clothing for my younger brother and I. My eldest sister was such a dear. Mind you, she still is. In fact, because our dear Mother has since departed to be with the Lord, eldest sister has been the doyenne of the clan. She is the best cook ever, whipping up dishes for family gatherings, making New Year cookies, baking cakes, sewing pretty dresses for her daughters and nieces.

My second sister is also such a dear. My mother would assign the household chores and divide them equally. Equally among my 2 sisters that is! Because the weekend dishwashing was the heaviest, my 2 sisters would work out an unusual arrangement worthy of any management-union negotiation - the duties would be something like this: this week 1st sister would do Mon Wed Fri and 2nd sister would do Tue Thu Sat. Then next week, 2nd sister took over M W F and 1st sister would do T T S. But what of Sundays? Well this was alternated between the 2 sisters. It appeared the family chores were divided fairly and equally. There was harmony among the workers and there seemed little room for complaints of any sort. We all survived the growing up years. (Truth be told, I do feel there was some kind of injustice ever since I became aware that there movements such as ‘women’s liberation’ and ‘equal opportunities’ and the like.)

My sisters were like real stand-ins for my mother. I remember when Mother was out marketing or out with Father, my 2 sisters would be doing the mothering. They were quite a pair. They were very close. They still are.

I sometimes wonder why brothers are not as close as sisters. Perhaps it is a gender thing. Or perhaps we just don’t show it.

Today I was out for lunch with some office colleagues. And to my pleasant surprise, one of my elder brothers came up behind me and laid his protective hands over my shoulders and made small talk with my friends. I guess he was showing this sibling his love for a younger brother.

A note of humour to end this post. A few weeks ago I was officiating at a wedding solemnization. The groom gave his vows effortlessly. The bride choked on her vows. She was rather emotional and tears flowed freely. I wanted her to compose herself before she went on so I advised her to take her time. The advice from her younger sister was short & to the point. “Sister, just think of the mascara and your makeup!”

Sorry for the 4 week hiatus. But I just went back to work - on a part time basis and for a while only. But who knows for sure? Only God knows. In fact 2009 has taught me a valuable lesson - nobody is God, except God. Talking about lessons, here’s one: Past mistakes can be costly, but their value is in teaching us.

I just finished reading a book borrowed from the National Library. A retiree gets to enjoy many things for free, or almost free - enjoy being a retiree living in Singaporean - read a book, for free; and pay no income taxes; see a movie during off peak hours, for half the price of a regular ticket; join as a member of restaurants like Swensen’s and MOF (that’s Ministry of Food) and get your free coffee, no questions asked.

Back to the book - “Investing In Your Life” by Ian Pollack. It talks about increasing your Life Capital - made up of 3 components: Financial Capital, Human Capital & Social Capital. It is quite obvious that when we have enough money we will feel more secure. What’s enough? Answer: To have sufficient Financial Capital to retire financially independent i.e. not having to work for a living and have enough money to churn out a decent stream of passive income.

Human Capital we all must constantly build up through education and keeping updated in our area of expertise - that’s our skills set, what we are good at doing and doing it well.

Social Capital is often under-rated. We don’t pay attention to it at our own peril. The trouble is, this aspect needs to be nurtured and the pay off is not evident immediately and therefore people seem to neglect it. But if we cultivate it over a period of time and having the right EQ (Emotional Quotient) or what we commonly call “people skills”, it becomes such a part of us that it requires no extra effort as it comes naturally to us, sort of as a matter of habit.

Once a boss told me this when I mentioned my intention to move on and suggested that a better man, one that is technically skilled, should replace me: “Simon, we need you because you manage by wandering around and this is good for the staff”. This month I am grateful to God for allowing me to mark yet another birthday. I had no less than 10 sms birthday greetings from family & friends or colleagues I first met a long long time ago - some going back 21 years. There is one ex-staff, now a dear family friend, that is particularly special. I recall giving her a second interview before I considered her good enough to join the team. (Then a shy 20 year old, she was to tell me later that she felt offended that I subjected her to a second interview). She is now a mother of 2 and still drops me a line or 2 now and then, still addressing me as “boss”. Here’s an affirming extract: “Thanks for all your past guidance. I thank God for making u my 1st n best boss. ”

Let me share a valuable lesson here. When I joined the banking industry more than 30 years ago, I was told that in one big bank, there was this Chairman of the Board who would interview young trainee bank officers. Instead of thinking it what a waste of time, I felt the lesson here was that the Chairman was interested in hiring only the most capable, not only in his technical skills but in the man’s character. And being an elder doyen in the industry, he would be a pretty good judge of one’s character!

So, to this day, whenever there is a hire for the company I work for, whether it is for the receptionist post or that of a cook or kitchen help, I get involved in the final interview. I feel that hiring someone into the company is like checking out your potential son-in-law or daughter-in-law before checking him/her in. When you welcome him/her into the family, you are hoping they will stay and also, that you won’t have to chuck him/her out.

My mantra for hiring is like this: Like an archer who wounds at random, is he who hires a fool or a passer-by (Proverbs 26:10).

Last year I discharged my obligation as a licensed solemnizer (for the ROM - Registry of Marriages) by performing ONE single wedding ceremony. The first half of this year I got bold and performed TWO wedding ceremonies - including one on Valentine’s Day. For the second half of this year I became bolder and promised myself that I should take on more duties.

Thus far I have done one on 07/07, 08/08, 09/09 and of course 20.09.2009! By year’s end I would have done a total of 15 for the second half of this year. My requirements are quite stringent. Usually the couple must be known to me. Then they have to meet up with me for one hour before I would agree to officiate at their wedding. If I have my ‘rathers’ I would prefer that the couple attend a Marriage Preparation Course before I would say ‘Yes’ to them. But since this is not a perfect world I thought at least they can benefit from a one hour crash course on marriage preparation - it’s a case of ’something is better than nothing’.

Come to think of it, people are willing to spend some S$2,000 and many hours of driving instruction to get the coveted driving licence and yet all it takes is S$26 to get their marriage licence. What a paradox! In fact couples easily mouth the “I do’ and “I will” thinking these are short sentences but yet they will be serving the longest sentences of their lives - that is if they believe in the institution of marriage. A couple should go into a marriage without an escape clause - “Divorce is NOT an option” should be their mantra - and work through the many irritations and challenges of a married life.

There is a joke that goes like this - before you get married, open both eyes to choose your life partner carefully & wisely. After you have gotten married, close one eye (and sometimes two) when you see the faults in one another.

Remember, marriage is not a contract for happiness but a covenant of belonging. Marriage is not a 100 metre dash but a marathon. Run the race of your life.

This morning I woke up at 5 am and together with my elder daughter made our way to Changi Prison. No we did not do anything wrong. Hopefully we did everything right. She wanted to run for charity at least once a year. I decided to join her. In fact last year we did one together at the East Coast Parkway, was it Run For Hope? Come to think of it many years ago, the whole family - me, 1 wife and 3 kids, used to participate in numerous charity walks. As the years went by, only the strong survived and nowadays it’s just the 2 of us, my daughter & I.

This morning’s charity run was the Yellow Ribbon Prison Run. Symbolically, the runners broke open the ’second’ prison in the form of an iron gate at the start of the race. My daughter ran all of 10 km. I ran or rather, I ran-walked-ran-walked, all of 5.8 km in a time of 43 minutes. Not bad for a cool ‘retiree’ on a cool Sunday morning. We ended up in the prison grounds. Many runners commented that they thought they would have the chance to see the inside of the prisons and some prisoners. But all in all, it is good that some funds and a heightened awareness were raised because of this charity run. 3 cheers for our ex-prisoners and the people who cared for them and the people who still care for them.

It was a fun morning. There were lots of goodies (Andersen ice cream, iced Milo, Polar Cafe cakes, an orange, a banana, bottled water, games stalls, T-shirts, caps, towels, memo pads, pens etc etc) and fond memories to bring home. We bumped into old friends - including 2 doctors. I shook the hand of our Deputy Prime Minister. We had met before but I doubt he remembered. It is usually the case. We know lots of VIPs but they may not know us. At the end of the run my daughter & I were interviewed by a certain TV celebrity for a TV news bite. I didn’t quite recognise her, until I asked for her name. My daughter chided me. I should not have dented this particular personality’s ego. She didn’t know who I was and I didn’t know who she was either. So it makes us even.

In the final analysis, it is not how many important persons we know around us but it is important for us to know the person within us. I know who I am. I am a child of God, husband to my lovely wife and father to my 3 wonderful children. And that’s very important.

Over the National Day holidays my wife & I were across the causeway conducting a 1.5 day marriage enrichment seminar. We were truly blessed by the 13 couples. Six cars left in a convoy on Sunday morning and six cars returned safely around midnight on Monday. The drivers were armed with walkie-talkies to ensure that the cars kept in touch throughout the trip. The Liverpool war cry - “You’ll Never Walk Alone” hold true for this bunch of happy people. From them I learned what being “family”truly means! Whenever a car somehow got lost or trailed too far behind, everyone swung into action to guide the lost sheep back in line. Hokkien jokes abound through the airwaves and there was light banter poking fun at each other. At meal times, everyone was looking out for the next guy or gal. The driver & wife who picked us up and delivered us safely home at our doorstep deserved special mention. They knew how to make us feel special. In fact the leader and the co-ordinator and almost everyone else were the “perfect hosts”.

We had given the instruction that the “No Kids” rule was to be strictly enforced and lo and behold there was this young couple with a new born baby who surprised us with their dedication. They stayed to 9 pm plus on the first night, then drove back to Singapore to breast feed their infant and double back to the resort at 9 am the next day. They enthused that the seminar was too good to be missed and did not want to miss out any teaching. Indeed, our teaching can be distilled into this one statement, “Children are leasehold properties but your spouse is freehold property”.

At the end of the seminar there were free sharing by the participants. Because they found the instructors very down to earth, human & dared to be vulnerable they felt they could relate to us and were very teachable and ready to learn. Of course there were tears shed. But we felt it was a way to bid farewell to some unhealthy “past practices” and say hello to new mindsets. Some vowed never to address their spouses as “mummy” or “daddy” but darlings & honey from henceforth!

Some confessed to putting their children as their No. 1 instead of their spouse. Some shed tears of relief, I suspect, in knowing that there is better prospect of a happier life if they were to invest more in their relationship with their spouse (instead of their careers or their children) before they enter their empty nests years.

In a similar vein, I spoke at 2 places yesterday. At lunchtime, I spoke to 50 ladies & 5 men on “Speaking your Spouse’s Love Language” and then at 7 pm I had the good fortune to address 80 women from the NTUC affiliate unions. Each time I shared about the Power of 2, there were resounding “Bulls eye!” & “How True!” from the audience. Many of the women wished that their husbands should have been around to listen to such family educational talks.

Yesterday I left the house at 10 am and did not return home until about 10 pm. Being 12 hours away from my wife of 32 years already made me feel I miss her presence. I hope couples who are reading this would also miss their partners when they are occasionally apart while both are alive and kicking and not when one partner has kicked the bucket and both are permanently apart.

I believe in the Power of 2! Catch me in person at the following event in September!

September Movie and Talk

Talk Topic: Romancing for a Lifetime
Speaker: Mr Simon Sim
Movie Screening: The Ugly Truth
Date: 26th September 2009
Venue: Cathay Orchard Cineplex
Time: 1130 - 1500 hrs
Tickets: S$20/pair (Early purchase / Concession)
S$40/pair (Regular price)

http://www.maybebaby.sg
OR contact
janice_quek@mcys.gov.sg.