SimonSimple

Hi People

This year my youngest reached the ripe age of 18. He has come of age. This is what I call the beginning of the Age of Independence. In fact, come January 2007, the army will own him for the next 2 years. Freedom! He he. No more teenager in the house. Don’t get me wrong. I am not eager to let him leave the nest. However, in order for him to make good in the adult world, the sooner I let him go, the sooner and higher he will fly.

Let me put down these famous words from Marquerite & Willard Beecher:

“The parent needs to gain his or her freedom from the child, so that the child can obtain his or her freedom from the parent. A parent should do nothing for a child that the child can profit from doing for himself or herself.”

Tomorrow he will sit for the last of his “A” level exam papers. We have watched him grow older year by year. Now we sit back and watch him grow up. The world is his to conquer. Some of us have difficulty growing up. As his parents, we hope we have done the right things by him and allowed him space to grow.

It has been our tradition to let our children fend for themselves beyond the basic “A” level or polytechnic education. Our eldest sponsored herself through university courtesy of a bank study loan. She had a bit of financial help by giving tuition and we thank God when she won Big Money at the Wheel of Fortune during her 3 year studies. She is 24 and is now into the Age of Interdependence - the world of work and relationships.

Our second born will take flight in February next year for Australia to obtain her university degree. She has enough to fund one year of her studies and then she will “see how lah”.

We have not created any M&D scholarships for our children ie. no money for our honeys to study in the university - local or overseas. We hope we have prepared them well for life, and not just for the PSLE exams, or “O” or “A” levels. We hope we have built strong character traits in them - one of them being Personal Responsibilty.

We brought our 3 children through the Ages - the first 6 years or so being the Age of Instruction, the second 6 years being the Age of Imitation and the third 6 years being the Age of Inspiration. I feel I have been a devoted Dad and a deliberate Dad. Devoted? Because they will always be my children. Deliberate? Because now I must step back and say to myself “my job is done”. I just want to be a “guide by the side” and not a “sage on stage”.

There must be a reason why they call bringing up your children “parenting”. It is like “pa - renting” and I guess “ma - renting”. It is like the children rented their pa or ma for a season, 18 years. I sure hope I was a good teacher, a good role model for my kids the first 18 years of their lives. From now on I talk to my son, adult to adult. I will refrain from handing out advice, unless he welcomes it. From now on I will follow this rule: “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. We bid our son on his journey to adulthood: “God speed & God bless”. We will always love you, as we do your sisters.

“Need a tongue bath?”

“My, you do taste funny!”

Hi People

It seems quite a while since I last ‘blogged’. It’s a case of writer’s block. I want to update you on a new addition to the SIMS’ family. We just adopted a new family member (a 2-year old Corgi Cardigan) last Saturday. And boy, is he handsome and cute! Surprisingly, this new addition did not bring a hint of jealousy from his older sibling, a 10-year old (a brown Cocker Spaniel). Look at how cute they are in the pictures above.

This morning my 2-year old exhibited a behaviour normal of a 2- yearold as I fed him his meal. He was reluctant to start on it and so I raised my voice at him. Immediately he recoiled and backed off and turned tail and headed off to find …….mummy!

I must say I am now healthier for having these 2 members about me. Every morning for the last few days I walked them - separately. And the routine is repeated in the evenings. So each day my dogs get to walk with me 4 times altogether. Why do I walk them separately? I cannot handle them together. Anyway, when I walk one, the other will bark at me for leaving him out, or the other will wear an accusingly look, indicating that I was not being fair. Such is my daily walks!

I do have 3 real children - and indeed, not only must I appear to be fair to all of them, I must be perceived by them to be fair in their own eyes. Their perception is their reality! My mother used to say in our Teochew dialect, that we must not be ‘BIG, SMALL HEART’, her motto was to love each of her 9 children best.

Let me give you a real life example. My eldest daughter funded the bulk of her university education all by herself, ie. I did give her a monthly allowance for her living expenses and she took out a study loan with the bank. This motivated her to supplement her allowance by giving tuition. My second daughter now has a place to study in Australia - and she is funding her overseas education with her life’s savings - she says she has enough for 1 year’s university fees and living expenses. I am only prepared to give her a grant for her accommodation or her living expenses, but not both. She opted for the accommodation and promised to wait at tables or give tuition to earn her living expenses.

We have this rule in the house that mum & dad will only support them up to ‘A’ levels or polytechnic education but not university. As such, my son will be weaned off the bulk of financial support for his university education by the end of this year. In any event, the Singapore Government will feed him for the next 2 years as he completes his national service.

As to handouts, I gave my eldest $2100 on her 21st birthday, and so my second daughter got the same on her 21st, and so will my son.

My children don’t want to hear me talk. I think they would rather see me walk. How’s your daily walk like?

Hi People

Josh McDowell in his book came up with these useful equations:

Rules + Relationships = Response
Rules - Relationships = Rebellion

How true! Rules with relationships and rules without relationships. What I want to highlight is that whilst we can impose Rules at the snap of the fingers, we cannot just magically ask for Relationships just like that. In fact, whilst the former can be instantly achieved, the latter needs to be constantly nurtured.

The idea is so easy but yet so elusive. Is it because we live in an instant culture, where when we want something, it must be NOW! It is no wonder that we fall into the trap of using Rules to achieve our ends when Relationships is the better way.

I have had good reports of how the twin tools of PSLE & DNA have helped change relationships for the better. Be a Person that Shows Love & Encouragemet and Don’t Nag Anymore. I am serious.

Just yesterday a mother came up to me and shared how in the PSLE year that her child is going through this year, she herself has been a convert and ardent follower of my parenting ‘theories’. Almost with tears in her eyes, she shared how her child has overcome her fear of maths and achieved a 50% improvement in the grades in less than 4 months. Her child is an overcomer and so must we.

The mother has begun to see the light. If your sights are only on exams, it is rather short-term. If you de-emphasise the academic and focus on the relationship, you are preparing your child for life. Ah, that is more meaningful and I assure you, more rewarding. I know from experience from raising our 3 children. Because my focus is wholistic, they are growing up all-rounded and have also shown decent academic grades. Maybe there is nothing wrong with our kids. It is us parents who are in need of change.

The ten most powerful words for effecting change may well be:

If it is to be, it is up to me!

What are you waiting for? Just do a NIKE. Just do it!

FOOD Note:

Today I lunched with some friends at this fabulous place. Fabulous on many counts - the food & price, the ambience and the service. Tell Desmond Jose or Michael that Simon send you when you visit….the West End boutique restaurant at 216 Pasir Panjang Road (Pasir Panjang Village) tel: 6475 2210 Bus nos. 10, 30, 51, 143, 188 & 200. Their tagline: “Excellent Food & Service at down to earth prices.” They serve continental & Asian cuisine. Enjoy.