SimonSimple

Hi People

The afternoon of Sunday 22 April 07 was raining cats & dogs. The family from my wife’s side was at cemetery paying our respects at her father’s gravesite. This year it was only me and my wife, without our children. One was in Malaysia on a diving trip, another is Down Under (and I miss her so) and the third was back in camp.

This brings to mind an email my wife wrote to our 3 children last year.

“Dear children

Thanks for making the effort to be there at Grandpa’s gravesite on Sunday, 23rd. There’s an ever-widening gulf in maintaining ties with cousins and relatives. Time and homes are challenging factors. Thought this was a good gesture to Porpor.

You’d know little about your maternal grandpa but like your paternal grandparents, he too was a man devoted to his family. 10 family members with a $600 salary in rented homes was never an easy task. Your grandpa was a school teacher and could speak 3 languages quite fluently - English, Mandarin and Malay. He got played out by a friend who ran off with the tontine (some form of communal saving and loan scheme) money which he was trying to raise to buy a wooden bungalow at $6000. We were living in rented homes after that. Only at his retirement at 55 and with his CPF did he manage to buy his first home after that - a 3-room flat at $6000 and to settle his outstanding debt to his aged sister. He hardly took a holiday except to visit his relatives in Malacca. Like your paternal grandparents he was a simple man. This might well be a good explanation why your mom and dad pursue the simple life too and are devoted to the family.

Thank you for honouring simple folks!

Momsie”

Our children’s responses were

“Love you Mom. It’s the least we could do. Wish we could have gotten to know Grandpa better - he must have been a good dad to have raised you.”

“Glad to have been there mom. Afterall, isn’t that what families do?

Love you all.”

The great lesson I take from this is

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the outstanding debt of loving one another.”

As we honour the dead we must cherish the living.

Hi People

We just visited our 3rd born at Officer Cadet School (OCS) in SAFTI Military Institute. Two weeks ago he completed his Basic Military Training in Tekong - where boys become men. I dare say OCS will be where men become gentlemen. Memories flooded back to me when way back in January of 1972, I too began my adventure in OCS in SAFTI. I have much to be grateful for. National Service and especially, OCS, made a gentleman and a gentle man out of me.

With immediate effect, my wife will have a pay increase, all this without waiting for the parliamentary debate scheduled for 9 April 2007. You see, her children’s monthly contribution to her is pegged to 10% of their salary. This translates to a princely pay jump for her from him- from $35 to $72 - a more than 100% increase.

I want to emphasise that seemingly small matters now have big consequences later. That’s why we need to watch it! This principle of ‘tithing’ by our children started way back when the children began receiving their first income doing temporary vacation jobs - the eldest started after her ‘A’ levels just before continuing her university studies. The second started after her ‘O’ levels just before continuing her polytechnic studies. And the 3rd started after his Secondary 2 year end. That is training in filial piety & responsibility.

Guess what? It was the same where getting their personal mobile phone was concerned. The first had hers after ‘A’ levels, the 2nd after ‘O’ levels & the 3rd after Secondary 2! From the start the children were responsible for their monthly telephone bills. That’s hassle free parenting for you. Like I say a thousand times before - let your children carry their own monkey. The key is in the monkey!

Singapore hosted a Fashion Festival just last week and Singaporeans watched with eager eyes, the models parading up and down the cat-walk - the newspapers would have us think that the men watched more than the women.

There is a parallel here. We men (the fathers) and women (the mothers) must be mindful how we parade ourselves in our daily walk for the little men & women (our children) to see. So watch it!

Hi People

“If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.” This is a famous quote by Dave Ramsey, a financial guru for the family. One of the best books for your financial well being that you want to get your hands on by this chap is “Total Money Makeover”.

Coupled with this from SimonSimple “What your children see in you, you will see in them”, is a great reminder for me to live a life that will model for our children - girl girl boy 25 22 19.

On April Fool’s day last Sunday we paid a visit to a dear family in the western part of Singapore. We came to know them when we conducted our first public marriage preparation class some years back (same one where I mentioned in an earlier blog that my MPC student was a dentist and now has a successful dental practice in Tampines in the eastern part of Singapore and a happy family with 3 young children - girl boy girl 3 2 1.

The minute we stepped into their nicely furnished apartment, we were greeted not by 3 wailing children, but by 3 willing children who quickly warmed up to us - boy boy boy- 6 5 2.

Displaying no sign of shyness or inhibition they interacted with us, played among themselves, came up to the parents now and then for assistance or share a thought. It really warmed our hearts to see their happy state of being. Father constantly looking to align his career choice to fit his heart’s passion, mother working from home so that she could attend to the needs of the children first hand with some relief from a domestic helper. They had planned that this was how they want to live their lives - having time for kids and each other and yet sufficiently fulfilled in finance and pursuits.

Back to the first statement “If you will live like no one else….” What it means is that where everyone else is “kiasu” parent, literally “scared to die” parent, don’t be. Where you watch your domestic helper like a hawk, don’t. Where you micro-manage your subordinates, don’t. In money matters, where you spend money like water (especially when you are a young adult), don’t do that.

We all have better vision on hindsight. I have lived more than 2 scores & 10 years to know enough and learn from my mistakes and from others’ mistakes about better ways to live my life. The trick is not to operate under the herd instinct. It is better sometimes to take stock and take heed to follow wise teachers. They are everywhere - in places and in people.

Don’t live life with regret, live it with purpose. Blessed Easter.